Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
My Turkey Huntin' Inventions.
#1
Being the die-hard turkey hunter that I have become, I did some brainstorming and came up with a few invention ideas that are sure to make me rich. Here are a few:

1. We all understand the importance of wearing camo for turkey hunting. However, some of us are not as good at shooting as others and would benefit from having the bird come much closer to the muzzle of our shotgun. That’s why I invented ‘Grasshopper and Clover Camouflage’. It’s not just a camo pattern, but actually has clovers and grasshoppers attached to it. Obviously, the grasshoppers and clover are artificial because you don’t want the game warden to accuse you of illegal baiting.

2. As I get older, the early morning wake ups after staying up late at night to ‘roost a bird’ is harder and harder on this old man. That’s why I invented ‘The Early To Bed Cloud Rocket’. It’s a bottle rocket that you can shoot into the air at your hunting land that produces a large dark cloud, thus making the sky darker and day seem shorter. This is surely to cause your local birds to go to roost earlier, allowing you to do the same. The rocket comes equipped with a loud ‘bang’ when deployed, which will get that big tom to sound off with a shock gobble, allowing you to pinpoint his early roosted position. Similarly, an early morning remote controlled version is available. It is for hunters that are not morning people. It is called ‘The Late To Rise Cloud Rocket’. Set this up in your hunting spot the day before and when sunrise approaches, the rocket will automatically launch into the morning sky, and fill it with a dark cloud of smoke to darkening the sky and keeping them birds in bed later into the day. Obviously, this version of the cloud rocket does not have the ‘bang’ feature, as you don’t want to get them birds gobbling too early.

3. We all know that toms are competitive and territorial, but sometimes are hard to get to close the distance to within shooting range. My ‘Love-Hate Turkey Hunting Sunglasses’ are sure to take full advantage of that turkey behavior and benefit the hunter by drawing the bird closer. Any hunter that dons these enormously oversized mirrored sunglasses will quickly gain the attention of any toms that are within sight. Once the tom sees his own reflection in the mirrored lenses, he won’t be able to resist coming in for a fight, thus giving you an easy, close range shot. They’re great for sunny days too.

4. Deer hunters have learned the value of scent control while deer hunting. With my new line of turkey scent control and cover scent products, you too can prevent that wayward tom from catching your downwind scent, tucking tail, and fleeing. This line of products is sure to be a great money-making scam… I mean is sure to make you a better turkey-hunting man.

5. We’ve all been there; called in a tom; he sees our decoy but hangs up and won’t come closer. Instead, he just struts and gobbles, waiting for your decoy to come to him. That’s why I invented my new ‘peek-a-boo’ hen decoy. This decoy is not three-dimensional like most modern turkey decoys. The peek-a-boo hen decoy is flat. This is to allow you to flip a switch and the decoy falls over flat to the ground and out of the tom’s sight. This decoy disappearing act gets that big boy into panic mode, thinking your hen has called his bluff and he comes in closer looking for her. Many toms are going to die as a result of this new decoy.

6. Sitting on the hard, wet ground, morning after morning for hours as you wait for a turkey to respond to your calls can do a number on your bottom. Even though most turkey hunting vests have a butt cushion attached, they just don’t prevent the soreness and numbness that can result from binge hunting. My new ‘Pampered Bottoms Hunting Vest’ solves this concern. It contains a battery powered massage butt cushion with variable speed adjustments. Feeling sore, turn on this massage cushion to the low setting and get that bottom blood moving. Feeling extra sleepy, turn the setting to high for a vigorous deep tissue massage. Whatever your setting, the ‘Pampered Bottoms Hunting Vest’ is sure to get you purring in the woods.

7. The competitive nature of a tom during the spring mating season is part of what makes the spring gobbler season so exciting. Watching a tom approach, bully, and beat up your jake decoy is very entertaining. However, nobody wants to kill a wimpy gobbler, we all want to harvest that giant, mature, dominant tom. That’s why I invented my ‘Fight Back Jake Decoy’. This decoy has a motion activated sensor that will active when a tom approaches. If the tom, struts, the decoy will go into strut and sticks out his tongue at the tom. If the tom wing smacks the decoy, the decoy will do the same plus will give a head peck. If the tom spur kicks the decoy, the decoy’s built in stun gun feature will deploy, shocking the tom with 4,000 volts. If the tom backs down from the fight, you’ll know that he’s a wimp and not to shoot him. Your purchase of the ‘Fight Back Jake Decoy’ will save you from wasting your precious turkey tags on inferior birds.

8. If you’re like me, I like to surf the web on my cellphone during the down times of a turkey hunt. It never fails that my cellphone battery will become drained. That problem can be overcome by my new invention, ‘The Floppy Turkey Cellphone Charger’. With this device, you can quickly recharge your phone by harvesting the green, but non-renewable energy wasted by a dying turkey. All you do is, shoot a turkey, quickly attach the energy collection device to the flopping bird and harvested all that wasted energy. With ‘The Floppy Turkey Cellphone Charger’, you’ll be harvesting turkeys and energy at the same time, thus doing your part to save the world.

9. Turkey hunting is expensive. Between the gas for the truck, ammo for your gun, and the high cost of decoys, money runs short. When you finally score that double-bearded bird, you can’t afford a taxidermy bill to mount it. That’s why I invented ‘Taxidermy Hairspray’. You too can avoid a visit to the taxidermist, and do you own turkey mount with little effort and expense. To use, simply put your bird in your preferred mounting position and spray it with ‘Taxidermy Hairspray’. For best results, coat the entire bird evenly and completely. *Note: an average turkey mount will use approximately 257 cans of Taxidermy Hairspray.

10. Over time, those hen decoys become worn down and fade. And sometimes, the local toms just get tired of the same old looking hen decoys. Decoys are too expensive to buy over and over. Hence my new invention, ‘The Hen Decoy Touch-up Kit’. With ‘The Hen Decoy Touch-up Kit’, you can make those decoys better than new and spice up your turkey woods. Each kit comes with brown, black, white, and grey colored touch up paints plus four paint brushes. Also included in the kit is a tube of ruby-red lip gloss. Add a touch of color to the edges of the hen decoy’s beak and watch how those toms go wild. For extra stubborn toms, each kit comes complete with a turkey hen mini-skirt and matching high-heeled shoes. The first 500 customers will also get a vial of ruby-red nail polish and a 12-ounce spray bottle of the ‘Turkey Cover Scent--Clover Patch Delight’ fragrance.

Happy hunting y’all!
-Carcass
Reply
Thanks given by:
#2
You got too much time on your hands Smile

Good laugh man.. There actually was a Turkey Scent sold at one time ..
Take me home county roads
Reply
Thanks given by:
#3
(03-12-2019, 09:58 AM)wvboy Wrote: You got too much time on your hands Smile

Good laugh man.. There actually was a Turkey Scent sold at one time ..
Yep by Tinks rolling rolling

Hey we are consumed with Turkey thinking right now.

Probably half of them would get sales


Attached Files Image(s)
   
Reply
Thanks given by:
#4
That's the one.. luckily I never fell for that one or the sqealin hen call Smile

https://www.amazon.com/Hunters-Specialti...B0037N6FPG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE2uuY9cZOA
Take me home county roads
Reply
Thanks given by:
#5
I'll admit I did buy the squealing hen, I have hard a hen squeal a couple times with a big ole Tom on top.   FIigured couldn't hurt to try with a hung up Tom. Confused Confused   no never worked 
I'm a sucker for new toys.   No I didn't try the turkey scent
Reply
Thanks given by:
#6
(03-11-2019, 10:47 PM)Carcass Wrote: 9. When you finally score that double-bearded bird, you can’t afford a taxidermy bill to mount it.  
That made me laugh. True, very true.

Happy hunting Carcass. Good luck.
Reply
Thanks given by:
#7
Darn, those fellas at Tink's are always one step ahead of me!
Reply
Thanks given by:
#8
Carcass.. I think someone beat you to the  ‘Love-Hate Turkey Hunting Sunglasses’ invention as well.. check out 35 seconds into this Primos Video Smile 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkNf7bZhBx0
Take me home county roads
Reply
Thanks given by:
#9
(03-15-2019, 10:33 AM)wvboy Wrote: Carcass.. I think someone beat you to the  ‘Love-Hate Turkey Hunting Sunglasses’ invention as well.. check out 35 seconds into this Primos Video Smile 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkNf7bZhBx0

Dang it! I'd better hurry up and patent the rest of my ideas before they're stolen too. Big Grin
Reply
Thanks given by:


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)